She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
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It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
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My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step