I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
These tits shall not be calmed
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
