remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...