I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."