No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
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I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
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i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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