I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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