I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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