He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
