Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
