i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
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I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
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but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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