Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize