drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize