FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
