i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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