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i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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