I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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