he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
not ubering you a puppy
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
