So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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