For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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