I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
