I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
