How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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