gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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