Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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