I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
