I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
