even my farts smell like vagina
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
