Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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