the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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