thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
