Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
