I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
