:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
