I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Still dying that you shit outside
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
