If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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