from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
