Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
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