I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
