Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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