The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The beers last night were like the tears from god
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize