I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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