Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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