I must be too annoying 4 u.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
