When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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