When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
