A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
