I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Randomize
