Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
