She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
