I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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