Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
