all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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