Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
