So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
