I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
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IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
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From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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