Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
