my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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