Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
