I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So much Jack, so little girl.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
