I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
