So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
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Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
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I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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