when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
