Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
