I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
