you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You made out with two different species that night
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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