I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
