totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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