just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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