i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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