Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
