I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
