how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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