i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize