You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
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Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
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If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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