Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
