I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
