is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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