I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
